Last night was a little rough. I am super tired out from this weekend (I know, I know…smallest violin in the world for the poor poor girl all tuckered out from her ski trip) and definitely getting sick with…something that I can’t identify. Needless to say, I was ready to sit in my bed, eat some dinner, and watch some guilty pleasure shows before passing out at 9pm. This plan was foiled. Why, you may ask?
Because of this evil, devil-spawn dog:
Don’t let the adorable little bundle fool you!! Devil. Spawn.
Meet Kaylie. She was my 13th birthday present. She loved my mom more than me…we reconciled only recently. How can you stay mad at loveable little dogs? Anyways, back to last night.
Obviously she is getting on in years. She’ll be 13 in about 6 months, which is like…a very old lady in dog years (91). See how white that face is? It used to be blonde. D’aww. Ugh. Devil-spawn. So, I get home last night from work around 7:15pm. I get out my dinner that I am starving for, and as I’m heading into my room my mom interjects with “Kaylie got into your room today.” This is never good news. “She got into your trash.”
I’m sure I’ve said it before, but I’m not the neatest person in the world. You may hear “got into your trash” and figure that’s not so bad; it’s just a little basket. Not in my room. I have one of those huge Bed Bath & Beyond bags full of trash. It accumulates in my room somehow and I go through and purge it all out but leave the bag in my room. I don’t want to throw it out before it’s full! Come on now. So when I hear Kaylie got into my trash I have a sick sense of dread. Sure enough. Trash everywhere. She definitely had fun I’ll give her that.
It took all of three minutes to pick up but still…really dog? I took the bag out of my room to be taken out the next morning (it was probably just some sort of sign that the bag had been in there too long) and head back to my room for dinner.
Remember how I said I am a procrastinator? Well, my overhead lights have been out in my room for about two weeks now, and the lights in my bathroom have been out even longer. I keep forgetting to pick up bulbs, and by the time I get home I don’t want to go out again. I’ll just get them tomorrow, right? I also have no lamps in my room. I’ve literally been using the flashlight on my phone to get around in there at night. It’s pretty pathetic. Anyways, to proceed with my plan of watching shows and eating dinner I needed a lamp. I go out to the living room to steal one…it wasn’t in use don’t, look at me like that! As I’m maneuvering around the couch to get at the plug I step in something wet and squishy.
Yea, that’s definitely poop. She pooped on the living room carpet which couldn’t be seen against the dark brown patterns. Of course I’m the one who finds it…by stepping in it. Of course. I hobble off to my bathroom to thoroughly clean my toe. It was probably an after effect of eating my damn trash. Devil-spawn dog. Ugh.
I get all cleaned up and finally settle into my bed with my delicious salad I’ve been looking forward to all day. I set my laptop up and get ready to dig in. What…is that smell? Ugh there’s a tiny spot of yellow on the side of my bed…well it doesn’t smell too bad maybe she was just spraying? Then I look at where I’m sitting. In a big puddle of dried dog pee. All over two of my pillows. All over my sheets. I see red.
There is nothing I want to do more at this point than throw something. That would probably just piss me off more though if I end up breaking something. I take deep breaths and start methodically stripping my bed. I actually have a waterproof bed liner because this is not my first rodeo. She pees on my bed every chance she gets (one time I was even in the fricken’ bed when she decided to use it as her backyard). It’s quite annoying.
I throw out the pillows, toss my sheets into the washer, and take this opportunity to get new light bulbs and a comforter for my bed. I had sheets and a quilt on my bed, but it just wasn’t cutting it at keeping me warm. I’ve been meaning to go out and get a comforter for a while, as well as needing light bulbs. I angrily shove my salad back into the refrigerator and head out for a little retail and fast food therapy. Terrible for my diet and wallet, but it kept the devil-spawn alive. That’s something at least.
I bought an arsenal of light bulbs:
Because when it rains, it pours…
And a brand new comforter:
Look how pretty!
My new comforter matches absolutely nothing in my room, but it’s so warm and soft. Definitely worth it. My mom helped me replace all the lights, and put my bed back together. She ooed and ahhed at my new, beautiful comforter, and my world was back to normal. I actually passed out without setting an alarm or even turning off the lamp in my room, and I slept like a rock. Kaylie is safe for now. She got her revenge on my room for leaving her during the day, but holy cow dog. Chillax.
Don’t have pets. They like to remind you, in disgusting ways, how they are mad at you for neglecting them. Happy Tuesday!
- The Revenge Poop. (chroniclesofouiser.wordpress.com)
- Homeless dog living in a trash pile gets rescued, and then does something amazing! (whydontyoutrythis.com)
- Dog Farts Part 2: How to Make Dog Farts Less Stinky (blogs.scientificamerican.com)